So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
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I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
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I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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