So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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