I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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