I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Say something about gay babies.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
