i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
