You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
home. puking in laundry basket.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
