I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
