Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
