Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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