Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
