Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
