you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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