where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
