My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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