The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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