i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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