I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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