is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
