I feel like abortions should bother me more
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
