Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
