His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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