This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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