I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
