My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
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I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
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People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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