Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
