She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
