I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
