Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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