there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
