Old men and throwing up are my life now.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she told me i tasted like america
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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