Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
