I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
