I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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