This is not my ceiling
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
