somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My ATM looks so different sober.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
