i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
