Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
