I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
