just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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