i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
