end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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