Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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