I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
