i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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