I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
What did we do last night that was yellow?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
