So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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