i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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