why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
