I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
