who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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