Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i love accidental penises.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
