He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just found a bag of teeth...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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