I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
