I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
