you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
