Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
