he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
