did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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