your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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