he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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