matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
