dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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