I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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