also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
