She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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