i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
