I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
