You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
