its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
