It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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