no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
