JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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