So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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