Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
