grandma shit on top of the toilet
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
someone owes me an orgasm
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
